My Ex Is Somewhere on a Deserted Island ~ Ornament

Last Known Location ~ Not Her Problem

The papers are signed, the house is hers, and the group chat has been renamed. Where he ended up is a matter of public indifference. Somewhere with sand, probably. Somewhere without her, definitely. The weather there is reported to be fine.

• For the divorcee who is doing great: Freshly single women, long-free women, and the friend who threw the party.
• Divorce party gift, first pick: Hand it over with the champagne and let her read it aloud.
• Sails away with Pirate Queens: Where the ex gets an island and she gets the fleet.

Pirate Dayz made this round ornament for the tree, whether it stands in the living room or the galley (Slander the Parrot has already claimed a branch). Pick ceramic at 3 inches or aluminum at 3.6 inches, and it arrives with its hanging string. A wipe with a damp cloth keeps it shipshape through many Decembers. Hang it on the tree, from the rum shelf, or tie it to a bottle for the friend who says arrr at every opportunity.